I have found a new topic of
conversation for Small Talk occasions. This is something I
look for constantly because I have never found Small Talk to come
naturally to me. Deep Intense Enormous Talk I find relatively easy
to jump into. But this is clearly not always appropriate for dinner
parties, drinks parties or industry events.
My top three Small Talk topics up to
now have been children, IT problems and if desperate, holidays (I
can do football small talk but only at a very top line level -
certainly no other sports). Now I have a new one. How many
"friends" do you have on Facebook?
Is there an etiquette around this?
Certainly there is a sense of intimacy about asking the question.
Clearly it is not as intimate as asking about the number of sexual
partners or what you get paid but it is noticeable that people are
unsure whether to show off around the size of their answer or to
apologise for its lack of scale. Fear not though, however small the
size of your "friend" list you will dwarf mine (just 28). Unless of
course the smaller the better - who knows?
A quick review of my 28 "friends"
reveals a surprising range of "friend" numbers between them. The
largest number is that of a Facebook pro who you'd expect to have a
big number (over 850). The smallest number of "friends" on my list
can be claimed by a university chum who has even less friends than
me (only 21).
My Facebook friends range from a
distant relation (with whom I can only claim to have exchanged 3
words ever in real life), to professional colleagues, to my best
friend when I was 19 who now lives in the far North. As the
wonderful Fiona Dent at IPC pointed out my list is a bit like an
awkward wedding where you're not really sure if all the different
groups there will get on, or if they will approve of what you say
and what you've been up to.
The size of the number is relative to
life stage and intent of course, and if you're an inner or outer
directed person. And how friendly you are.
Teenagers of my acquaintance easily
boast between 350 and 1000 "friends". This may be driven by
neurology and the fact that they've adapted more quickly than some
of the rest of us. October's issue of National Geographic explains
that some brain-scan studies suggest that our brains react to peer
exclusion "much as they respond to threats to physical health or
food supply. At a neural level, in other words, we perceive social
rejection as a threat to existence". This may mean that
acquiring as big a "friend" number as you can is key to
survival.
I'd better start looking for more
"friends".
First published here on Sue Unerman's blog.